FBI to Test Televised Sting Operation with Who Wants to Be a Terrorist

New York, July 24, 2008 -- The FBI has announced an innovative plan to root out potential evildoers with the launch of the new game show, Who Wants to Be a Terrorist. The show, the first nationwide televised sting operation of its kind, is expected to result in "between zero to one arrests of confirmed terrorists or terrorist sympathizers per episode", according to Johnny Pistol, FBI Deputy Director.

Kansas Education Board Touts Flat Earth Curriculum

May 11, 2006 -- The Kansas Education Board, which gained new momentum in its efforts to "de-emphasize" rational scientific inquiry after a decision last November requiring Kansas teachers to define the widely accepted theory of evolution as "godless Communist propaganda" in favor of creationism, also known as intelligent design, is now promoting a full-fledged faith-based curriculum touted by the board as "the One True Way".

Earth (side view)Earth (side view)

Taliban Strengthen Grip on People's Republic of South Dakota

South Dakota-Nebraska Border Region, July 19, 2011 -- According to a classified report leaked by the Department of Homeland Insecurity, elements of the radical fundamentalist Taliban are reported to have gained significant ground in the rocky and windswept hillsides of the breakaway Democratic People's Republic of South Dakota.

Breakaway Democratic People's Republic of South DakotaBreakaway Democratic People's Republic of South Dakota

Bush and Cheney Issue "Reasons to be Cheerful" Iraq Checklist

Washington, D.C., January 6, 2006 -- Presidents George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney released today a fact-filled "Reasons to be Cheerful" Iraq Checklist in response to growing national dissatisfaction with and debate regarding the preemptive war that many believe was based on false pretenses and intentionally misleading information from the Bush Administration.

Microsoft, Micronesia Reach a Deal

Redmond, WA, October 12, 2018 -- "Time to go buy a new globe" was the opening statement by Bill Gates at today’s news conference at Microsoft headquarters in Redmond, Washington. The aging Microsoft founder startled the world this morning in announcing the purchase of Micronesia. "I am pleased to introduce to the world the new country of the Federated States of Microsoftnesia," Gates proclaimed.

Swedish Youth Randomly Types First Two Acts of Hamlet

Stockholm, Sweden, August 25, 2008 -- Gustav Gustavsson and his wife Åsa were startled earlier in the week to find that their four year old son, Axel, had randomly typed the first two acts of Hamlet whilst playing at his father’s computer.

Gustav said that on Monday afternoon he walked into his office in the basement to find Axel “pounding away” on the keyboard. After Gustav sent his son from his office and sat down at his computer he made a startling discovery.

Ford Motor Co., in Cost-Saving Measure, to Cease Automobile Production

Dearborn, Michigan, June 9, 2006 -- Ford Motor Company Chairman and CEO Bill Ford announced during an interview with Bloomberg TV today that, effective immediately, Ford Motor Company will flatline all North American automotive and truck manufacturing operations in an effort to reduce costs and improve shareholder value.

Bush, Congress Make Headway on Electronic Stimulation Package

Washington, D.C., February 3, 2008 -- In an effort to stave off a looming recession in the wake of moribund consumer sentiment, ongoing turmoil in world credit markets and the subprime lending crisis, the White House announced today that major progress has been made on an Electronic Stimulation Package, the final details of which will be announced shortly.

Nostalgic Bush Says FY09 Budget "Last Chance to Shaft the Poor"

Washington, D.C., February 12, 2008 -- An unusually somber and introspective President George W. Bush, presenting the details of his $3.1 trillion fiscal year 2009 budget proposal for members of the American Plutocrats Union, a conservative group, lamented that the budget proposal represents his “last chance to shaft the poor.” He urged the assembled audience to do “everything in their powers” to convince their elected representatives that the budget proposal represented an historic opportunity that may not return for a decade or more.

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