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Yule-Mate Takes the Pain Out of Christmas Gift-Giving

Bedford Falls, November 12, 2026 -- The revolutionary Yule-Mate Personal Holiday Robot from Christmas Industries, Inc. promises a solution to the leading causes of consumer holiday stress: the finding and delivering of thoughtful, appropriate Christmas presents to your loved ones, friends, associates, employees, and domestic staff.

Yule-Mate in Auto-gift modeYule-Mate in Auto-gift mode

This Year's Best-Selling Most Popular Number One Halloween Costume

Malibu, October 31, 2037 -- The best-selling, most popular, top Halloween costume for this year is, for the eighth consecutive year, once again the mesmerizing, terrifying "Unenhanced Human" outfit. The complex Halloween costume, which mimics the appearance of a human being without any artificial improvements and can take up to two hours to put on, has been sold over 2.3 million times this year, a new record.

Big Savings for Military Procurement Using "IKEA Model"

Hampton Roads, Virginia, July 22, 2017 -- US defense secretary Alberto Fulshrop said today that the military's adoption of the so-called "IKEA model" last year has resulted in military procurement savings close to the projected goal of 10%, or over $183 billion. Secretary Fulshrop hailed the program as a "sterling success, and a genuinely fun project for all the enthusiastic do-it-yourselfers in the services."

C17 Globemaster III awaiting assembly at Kirtland Air Force Base, New MexicoC17 Globemaster III awaiting assembly at Kirtland Air Force Base, New Mexico

Top Spammers Launch Internet Bank/Pharmacy

Cyberspace, April 16, 2014 -- An international coalition of leading email spammers announced today the launch of the first combined web-based virtual bank/pharmacy. The launch was made public through a proactive marketing campaign consisting of 19.6 trillion personal email messages with subject lines such as "Fw: Cia:|is & Via:gra", "RE:RE We want approve yours loan osd" and "Diamond Equities pseudotropine wyoming spiffily" delivered directly to the inboxes of grateful consumers.

Xbox 360 Now Bundled With Republican Lawmakers

Redmond, Washington and Washington, D.C., February 26, 2006 -- Microsoft Corporation, makers of the game console Xbox 360, announced today the popular home entertainment device will be sold bundled with a share of a Republican United States congressman or senator as part of a special spring "consumer confidence" marketing initiative.

The standard Xbox 360 handset can be used to direct Republican lawmakers' legislative agendasThe standard Xbox 360 handset can be used to direct Republican lawmakers' legislative agendas

Best and Worst Children's Christmas Toys – 2006

Avant News Special Report

Coshocton, OH November 28, 2006 -- We at Avant News are pleased to announce our list of what our experts deem to be the 10 best and 10 worst Christmas gifts for 2006. As usually occurs, the toy industry tends to mirror social trends and this year was no exception.

Checkout Clerk Adds Apples and Oranges, Earth Wobbles

Madison, WI September 14, 2014 -- Last week’s cataclysmic, global seismic event that resulted in countless deaths across the globe and property losses estimated to be in the trillions of dollars appears to have been caused by an unassuming checkout clerk in Madison, Wisconsin.

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