Leading Astrologer Confesses: "It's All Bunk"
Las Vegas, June 22, 2010 -- Zorothar, a leading astrologer with the respected International Coven of Prognosticative Stargazers, stunned the world's tabloid media yesterday with the admission that "everything we astrologers do is bunk, malarkey, nonsense and, frankly, complete bullshit."
In Wake of Dr. Tiller Murder, Pro-Life Movement Sets Up Camp in Pakistan
Waziristan, Pakistan, July 22, 2009 -- After the emergence of a protest vacuum following the brutal slaying of Dr. George R. Tiller of Wichita, Kansas, the anti-abortion organization Operation Rescue led by Troy Newman has relocated to the rocky outcrops of northwestern Afghanistan in order to "refocus" their "pro-life" efforts.
Rod and Reel Method May Save International Space Station
Washington, D.C., May 22, 2021 -- A groundbreaking new orbital transportation technique announced by NASA today may hasten the long-delayed completion of the International Space Station (ISS).
Astronaut Chrissie Buglebong attaches prototype rod and reel device during a dry run simulation
Whirlpool Stocks Soar on Back of Macrowave Non-Oven
Washington, DC January 17, 2011 -- Whirlpool (WHR: NYSE) stocks surged fifteen percent today on the release of their latest “must have consumer appliance,” the Macrowave Non-Oven™. The Whirlpool Corporation, marketers of Whirlpool, KitchenAid, Brastemp, Bauknecht, Consul and other major brand names, has seen its marketshare decline in recent years and has put all it can into this appliance that can be used to quickly chill foods and beverages.
“The Macrowave will do to refrigeration what the microwave did to cooking” said Whirlpool CEO Edmund Silver in a press conference today.
Halliburton Executive Mistakenly Leaves $1.7 Billion Contract As Tip
Washington, D.C., December 9, 2005 -- A Halliburton executive mistakenly left a $1.7 billion no-bid military procurement contract as a tip in a Washington, D.C. restaurant yesterday, a spokesman for the restaurant, B. Smith's at 50 Massachusetts Ave. NE, said yesterday.
Halliburton Subsidiary to Build North Korea's First Light-Water Reactor
Pyongyang, North Korea, November 5, 2006 -- A jubilant U.S. State Department announced today that the Halliburton subsidiary of Buhn & Dogale, a small ceramic figurine manufacturing firm located in the Cayman Islands, has been granted a coveted $3.2 billion no-bid contract to construct North Korea's first light-water nuclear reactor.
State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said key officials associated with the contract award, an important component of the recently signed North Korean Now You See Them Now You Don't Strategic Nuclear Arms Limitation Treaty, were "elated".
Entire Cast of Survivor Guatemala Killed in Nuclear Bunker-Buster Test Blunder
Guatemala City, Guatemala, December 2, 2005 -- Fans and viewers of the popular CBS reality television show Survivor Guatemala: The Maya Empire were dealt a disappointing blow with the admission by the US Defense Department that it had inadvertently vaporized the entire remaining cast in a nuclear weapons testing blunder yesterday.
A spokesman for CBS said the incident was "regrettable", but added that the network plans to continue the series with a resurrected cast of surviving former Survivors under the name Survivor Guatemala: The Day After.
Priest Caught Selling Absolution on eBay
Bronx, New York, May 12, 2009 -- A Catholic priest from the Norwood neighbourhood of Bronx, New York, has been charged with selling absolution via an account on eBay, the popular online auction website.
An example of Father Butler's laminated absolution card
10 Worst Ideas and Inventions of 2008
Los Angeles, California January 15, 2009 -- As the saying goes, "for every good idea there are dozens of bad ideas." Rather than sort through the dozens of bad ideas and horrible inventions released onto the unwary public this year, the Avant News Consumer Advisory Committee along with the Avant News Public Awareness Department put together the following list of the 10 Worst Ideas and Inventions of 2008:
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