China First With Citizen RFID Implants

Tagged:  

Beijing, March 19, 2010 -- A press release issued by the Chinese government today announced the countrywide implementation of a new high-tech tracking initiative designed to "increase security and prosperity for all citizens of the People's Republic of China." The plan, detailed by Zhou Bo Kai, chief executive of China's Ministry of Public Security, will involve the implantation of long-range, high-frequency RFID devices in every one of China's estimated 1.4 billion citizens over the next 18 months.

Fossilized Feces of Jesus Wreaks Havoc

Holy See, August 29, 2020 -- The recent discovery of a fossilized lump of human feces believed to have once emerged from the body of Jesus Christ, Son of God, has swept a whirlpool of excitement and controversy throughout the altars of the religious world.

Cave in which fossilized fecal matter of Jesus was discoveredCave in which fossilized fecal matter of Jesus was discovered

Avant News Job Interview Tips: How to Fake the Liver Biopsy

Macon, Georgia, September 22, 2010 -- A recent survey performed by the Online Job-Seekers Bureau found that increasingly stringent rules for potential job applicants now frequently include such measures as requiring that liver biopsies, brain samples, and loyalty oaths be submitted along with a resume.A spokesman for the Online Job-Seekers Bureau said he found the trend "understandable, but troubling".

South Carolina Pumpkin Farmer Grows World's Smallest Pumpkin

Hephzibah, South Carolina, October 30, 2007 -- A Hephzibah, South Carolina pumpkin farmer wins this year's annual "World's Smallest Pumpkin" contest with a record-small 0.23 inch (0.5842 cm) diameter, perfectly formed miniature example of the popular pulpy orange Halloween seasonal fruit.

Ozzie Crenshaw's World's Smallest PumpkinOzzie Crenshaw's World's Smallest Pumpkin

The farmer, Ozzie Crenshaw, said he was "real excited" to have captured the grand prize at this year's prestigious event.

Tastes Like Chicken? Not Possible, Scientists Find

Macon, Georgia, October 11, 2014 -- Scientists at the respected St. Ambrose Poultry Institute of Macon, Georgia have at last dispelled the widely held misperception that virtually every moderately unusual food tastes like chicken by proving that, in point of fact, nothing does.

"We've proven that, contrary to popular belief, it's actually a scientific impossibility for any known commonly consumed dietary substance to resemble the flavor of chicken," said Skinwood Neckle, Research Director at the Institute's Comparative Flavor Analysis section.

McDonald's To Open First Lunar Franchise

Sea of Tranquility, March 22, 2015 -- McDonald's, the ubiquitous globe-girdling fast food purveyor, announced today it will be expanding its operations beyond the confines of the earth's atmosphere with the launch of the first lunar franchise. The move marks not only the very first non-terrestrial McDonald's retail dining establishment, but the first non-terrestrial commercial franchise of any kind whatsoever.

The McDonald's McMoon: Full McDonald's McMoon, viewed from rural Pork Knuckle, IdahoThe McDonald's McMoon: Full McDonald's McMoon, viewed from rural Pork Knuckle, Idaho

Time is Accelerating, Study Finds

London, November 29, 2010 -- Do simple things like tying your shoes, brushing your teeth or sitting through someone else's wedding seem to take longer than they once did? Do you generally wake up in the morning feeling cranky and bleary-eyed rather than refreshed and well-rested? Do vacations seem to flit by like a millisecond-long, scarcely remembered dream?

Bush Declares "Mission Accomplished" in 2006 House, Senate Midterm Elections

San Diego, November 9, 2006 -- Following the resounding defeat of Republican candidates in the 2006 midterm elections, President Bush hailed his party's victory during an epic speech this morning.

President Bush congratulates GOP candidates on victory following their defeat in the 2006 electionsPresident Bush congratulates GOP candidates on victory following their defeat in the 2006 elections

President Bush 'Ownz' on Runescape

Washington, January 14, 2007 -- Prior to the November 7 midterm elections, many political analysts wondered how President Bush would handle the last two years of his presidency if the Democrats seized control of the Congress. Nearly all agreed it would be a lonely time for a President accustomed to being surrounded by friends in Congress. None of the analyst's observations included the possibility that President Bush would retreat from the world stage to the world of online gaming.

Copyright © 2005-2505 AvantNews.com. All rights reserved.
Avant News contains satire and other fictional material, provided for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer. Syndicate. Privacy.