Bangcock, Maine, November 5, 2009 -- A coalition of apparently easily confused Maine voters last night voted overwhelmingly, by a ratio of 50.24 to 49.86 percent, a new state law, titled "The Defense of Marriage Act", to "prohibit Homo sapiens marriage as well as to retroactively render null and void any previously codified unlawful marriages between consenting Homo sapiens that may have shamefully taken place up to and including the date of the final vote tally."

Washington, D.C., October 19, 2005 -- A routine sweep of the White House Oval Office, performed every second Tuesday by the president's Secret Service staff to detect bugging devices and explosives, unexpectedly turned up an embarrassing remnant yesterday near the presidential wastebasket: a used litmus test.

A litmus test similar to the one discovered in the Oval Office.: The actual results of the Miers litmus test have not been disclosed.

Washington, D.C., February 11, 2006 -- United States Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr. startled observers and fellow justices yesterday by calling for the Supreme Court to spearhead a new struggle to root out, prosecute, and punish witches. While it is rare and, according to some constitutional scholars, unethical for a member of the Supreme Court to assume such an overtly activist position on any particular issue, Chief Justice Roberts, in announcing his initiative, said "I don't give a rat's posterior. If you don't like it, fire me."

Baghdad, July 23, 2030 -- The ongoing trial of Saddam Hussein is set to resume Tuesday, July 26, 2030, barring new complications that may further delay the arduous and lengthy process. The once-vaunted trial of the widely-hated deposed dictator has been plagued with a variety of difficulties since its inception and over virtually the full 25 years that have elapsed since Saddam Hussein first took the stand.