Study Finds Viagra May Cause Hubris

Brattleboro, Vermont, April 19, 2007 -- A recent pharmacological study conducted by the American Institute for Studying Things Swallowed (AISTS) has discovered a previously unknown link between Viagra use and hubris. According to the study, frequent users of the performance-enhancing drug may suffer from a potentially self-destructive condition characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-worth, an over-estimation of one's personal capacities, and arrogant, potentially annoying behavior patterns.

"We were following a hunch based on anecdotal reports of this connection," said Dr. Peter Grove. "I think our study proves the link pretty conclusively."

AISTS bases its findings on interviews conducted with 4,000 regular Viagra users over a two-year period. Hubris-like behavioral patterns were detected in over 67% of subjects, while the condition was found in only 11% of the control group of 1,000 non-Viagra users.

Viagra (sildenafil citrate), now a virtual household word, is an erectile dysfunction prescription medication manufactured by Pfizer that has taken the world by storm since its market introduction in 1998. Over $1 billion worth of Viagra is sold each year primarily through mass unsolicited commercial email messages, the same medium that galvanized the current unprecedented mortgage refinance boom.

According to the Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia, hubris, in ancient Greek law, often refers to "outrage wreaked by the powerful upon the weak. In poetry and mythology, the term was used of those individuals esteeming themselves as equal to or greater than the gods…. Modern negative consequences of actions stemming from hubris appear to be associated with a lack of knowledge, interest in, and exploration of history, combined with overconfidence and a lack of humility."

Perhaps the most striking discovery of the AISTS study is that many men who are regular users of Viagra are not, in fact, using it in conjunction with sexual congress.

"It was a bit startling," said Dr. Grove. "We found that at least 20% of the regular users we interviewed took the drug at a rate far exceeding the frequency of their amorous engagements. A number of those we would classify as power-brokers, executive types, would ingest Viagra before, for example, an important board meeting, a courtroom trial, or a public speaking engagement. I think they find the physiological effects of the drug provide them with a heightened sense of self-confidence and achievement, theoretically allowing them to perform better in those non-sexual pursuits."

Paradoxically, these forms of Viagra usage do not, based on interview data, actually result in improved performance in non-sexual arenas. Many of these users, who Dr. Grove described as suffering from "vertical brain displacement", over-estimate their own skills as speakers or corporate or political tacticians while "charged" with the drug, and perform the kinds of errors associated with extreme arrogance.

"While no members of the current administration, for example, were included in the study," said Dr. Grove, "I am quite confident that President Bush and his entire cabinet, with the possible exception of some of the women, are taking the drug at least once per day."

"An aspect that is overlooked by some of these users," Dr. Grove continued, "is that the drug performs its hydraulic miracle within a closed system. The blood, the primary purpose of which is to circulate oxygen, has to come from somewhere, and that somewhere is the brain. Less oxygen in the brain means, of course, reduced intellectual performance. Those users who are taking the drug for enhanced extra-sexual confidence are actually rendering themselves punch-drunk and dopey at the most inopportune times."

Georges de Paris, President Bush's tailor, would neither confirm nor deny having performed any specific garment modifications that would ameliorate possible visible effects of public Viagra usage.

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor