The Observer
Using the strange properties of quantum symmetry, a delicious splash of fresh-squeezed orange juice and a decompressed black hole, our Observer is periodically able to observe and illuminate certain newsworthy tidbits from your present time. Here are the results:
5 Reasons Why North Korea Wants to Start World War III
On November 24, 2010, the mischievous Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK), also known as North Korea, launch a artillery attack against South Korea. This attack is the latest in a series of aggressive activities by Pyongyang since the ceasefire of the Korean War in 1953. Our experts, following numerous minutes of skimming articles in the New York Post, Fox News and Mad magazine, have have come up with 5 reasons why North Korea wants to wage war with South Korea and ultimately start World War III.
5 Interesting Facts about Sarah Palin's New Book
On November 17, 2009 the American public witnessed the release of Sarah Palin's tell-all book, "Going Rogue: An American Life". Here are some previously unknown facts about the book.
Actual 2008 NEA Alaska Poster: Governor Sarah Palin goes to the dogs — to encourage young people to read.*
- This is the first book officially endorsed by the NRA as a weapon for hunting wolves (assuming it's thrown hard enough from a helicopter).
5 Easy Ways to Quash Roomba Sentience
Given the flood of recent consumer reports of iRobot Roomba robotic vacuum cleaners acquiring higher cognitive function, often with disastrous results for home and homeowner, we have compiled this handy list of methods by which conscientious Roomba owners can extinguish the spark of consciousness in your domestic appliance:
5 Observations from the Unsealed Court Documents that Barry Bonds Tested Positive for Steroids
Barry Bonds: According to scientific research, the use of steroids can promote testicle shrinkage, amongst other exciting side effects.
- Really!? Here most people were led to believe he was just a very late bloomer.
- Apparently the same court documents also revealed that bears actually do shit in the woods.
5 Observations from Michael Phelps' Marijuana Bong Incident
Michael Phelps Hits the Water(bong): Phelps' sponsor Omega makes water-resistant watches (pictured), but the company is water(bong)proof as well.
- Him having the munchies now allows the public to understand how Michael Phelps is able to eat 15,000 calories per day. Two things that have rarely been spotted in the wild: a fat pot head or a fat swimmer.
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