National Knife Association Attacks School Violence

Buford Falls, Ohio February 18, 2009 -- Clarence Rattleford has wielded knives on a daily basis for as long as he can remember and to his recollection neither he nor those around him have been in any danger because of it. Now the 73 year old retired soybean farmer and aspiring whittler is urging others to fight for their right to hold on to their knives.

"If them commie Democrats in Washington want to stab me in the back and hamstring my constitutional right to bear arms, they're walking a razor's edge and will have to come here an' pry this knife outta my cold, dead hands," Mr. Rattleford stated between mixed metaphors.

The issue that has Mr. Rattleford and others like him so up in arms is a Bill introduced in the House of Representatives late last year as H.R. 7867, the Deadly Implements in Schools Prohibition Act of 2008. Under the guidelines proposed within this act are specific regulations as to what forms of knives and other lethal, yet non-fired devices may not be carried on a person in and around the immediate vicinity of a school. These other devices include, but are not limited to: throwing stars, nunchuks, spears, maces, swords, battle axes, poison-tipped darts, nail spiked bats, throwing knives and boomerangs.

The Bill's co-sponsor in the House, Rep. Dolores Givens-Henry (D-OH), said of the proposed legislation, "It's time that America's schools return to being a place of education rather than the battlefield they have become."

Rep. Givens-Henry has experienced first hand the war zone revolving around public education. While the national rate of gun violence in schools has increased at the marginal rate of 6.8%, her district covering the Youngstown metropolitan area has witnessed a staggering 23% increase in school-related violence involving the abovementioned items each of the last 3 years. Included in the Youngstown statistics was last year's Newmahn High School Ninja Tragedy in which 14 students were killed by a ninja sword-wielding 15 year old before he committed seppuku on himself.

"We're really not asking for much with regard to regulations and criteria…it basically comes down to basic common sense since the presence of violence in our schools is completely out of control and we must change it," Rep. Givens-Henry stated passionately, "no matter what the NRA or any of its sister organizations think about it."

The involvement of the NRA, National Rifle Association, through its sub-organization, the National Knife Association (NKA), has put legislators and educators alike on the defensive recently as they attempt to tackle the issue of lethal weapons in schools. The NKA has been aggressively attacking all legislative proposals relating to any form of restrictions on carrying weapons of any sort anywhere, including the one posed by Rep. Givens-Henry. "For them [the NKA] to attempt to justify that it is alright for a ninth grader to bring a ninja sword to school or a fourth grader to have a 12 inch butterfly knife at school is outrageously absurd," she scoffed.

That is exactly what the NKA is doing, however, and, according to many recent surveys, middle America seems to be listening. Through national knife awareness campaigns like the successful "Don't Butter Me Up" and "Knives Don't Stab… Poor, Minority, Deranged, Criminal, Terrorist, Teenagers Do!" the NKA has managed to hamstring the efforts of Congressional Democrats as well as the National Education Association (NEA). According to a January Gallup Poll of 1,672 American adults, 67% said that they would rather their child to dismember, impale, pummel or stab a classmate than shoot them (22%) or walk away (10%).

"We truly have no idea why anyone would want their children to have the right to bring a dangerous weapon to school, let alone be willing to allow their children to attend a school where they know that other children may be carrying just as lethal weapons," stated NEA Executive Committee Member Charles McGreenly. "The NKA has completely flipped this issue around to support their agenda," he suggested.

NKA Spokesman Tommy "Nine Fingers" Buckroot vehemently denies this charge, however. "We don't wanna see kids gettin' their arms chopped off or nothin'. We just want our kids to be able to protect themselves from getting their arms chopped off if one of the other students should try to chop their arm off," Mr. Buckroot explained.

Mr. Buckroot went on further to explain that the NKA saw this as a Constitutionally guaranteed right "to bear arms" as provided for under the oft cited 2nd Amendment. The Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution states that: "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

Mr. Rattleford wholeheartedly agrees with the NKA's view on the 2nd Amendment when he explains, "Who runs the schools? The government! Who do we gotta protect ourselves from? The government! Who's trying to take away the rights of our kids to protect themselves? Yup, the government again! Amazin' how simple it is, isn't it?"

H.R.7867 goes to vote before the entire House next week.

By Raoul Thibodeaux, Avant News Staff Writer