God Chimes In On Intelligent Design
Chicago, IL, September 7, 2006 -- The increasingly vitriolic debate between religious conservatives and the scientific community took an unexpected turn yesterday when a voice confirmed to be that of God disparaged the idea of "intelligent design" as "a load of crap".
Wingding Institute Awarded Nobel Peace Prize
Oslo, Norway October 10, 2011 -- The Norwegian Nobel Committee shocked the world yesterday when it announced that the controversial Wingding Institute had won the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize beating out such favorites as the United Nations, World Bank and the International Institute for Democracy and Electoral Assistance (IDEA).
God Loses Dice
Horoscope Correctly Predicts Demise of Taurus
Wakka Wakka, Texas, June 30, 2019 -- Astrological aficionados born in the months of April and May were briefly shocked yesterday to read a chilling prediction posted in the Dallas/Ft.Worth Rancher's Almanac. The horoscope entry, which according to horoscope specialists was an unusually categorical example of the genre, read, simply, "Taurus: You die today."
Taurus – astrological sign (no longer applicable to the living): Image: Digital Sky LLC
Turns Out God Doesn't Particularly Care About Humans
Munich, November 2, 2019 -- The re-examination of a previously explored RNA genome code found on a rhinovirus, one of the class of viruses that cause the common cold, has revealed the surprising discovery that God is apparently not particularly interested in human beings at all, despite widespread belief to the contrary.
Human rhinovirus containing coded messages from God
Jack Nicholson, Dennis Hopper to Make “Easy Rider Too: Cantankerous Old Hippies”
Malibu, California, February 24, 2008 -- At a rambunctious, rowdy, star-studded post-Oscar afterparty tonight here in Malibu, California, actors Dennis Hopper and Jack Nicholson announced they will be producing and starring in Easy Rider Too: Cantankerous Old Hippies, a sequel to the cult classic
Jack Nicholson and Dennis Hopper announce upcoming production of Easy Rider Too: Cantankerous Old Hippies
President Bush Commences Hunger Strike for Improved Poll Numbers
Washington, D.C., September 9, 2006 -- During an impromptu press availability in the White House Rose Garden today, President Bush announced he will, effective immediately, commence a hunger strike in pursuit of improved popularity ratings.
Marshmallow Fluff, a key ingredient in President Bush's favorite "Fluffergutter" sandwich, sacrificed for better poll numbers
Genetic Engineers Create First Manga Baby
Boulder, March 22, 2014 -- Genetic engineers at the world-renowned Tweek-e-Gene Institute in Boulder, Colorado, announced today the successful production of the world's first live custom-designed human Manga-baby. The baby, a healthy boy weighing 2.3 lbs. and measuring a lanky 38 inches from head to toe, will be named Ichi the Killer.
Ichi the Killer, prototype Manga-baby
Trend-spotters confidently predict Ichi will be the first boulder in a virtual landslide of specially-ordered designer Manga-babies.
U.S. Army Secret Genetic Enlistment Program Offsets Low Recruitment Levels
Washington, D.C., March 19, 2007 -- Investigators poking the exposed underbelly of the otherwise heavily armored U.S. Department of Defense have uncovered a secret program that some have characterized a Machiavellian conspiracy, others a "collaboration of innovators", to boost future Army recruitment levels through genetic testing of embryos.
Army spokesman Rusty P. Grunt acknowledged the existence of the controversial program, known within the Defense Department as "Project G.I. Gene", but assured reporters there was nothing "ethically reprehensible" about it.
- 1 of 38
- ››
Copyright © 2005-2505 AvantNews.com. All rights reserved.
Avant News contains satire and other fictional material, provided for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer. Syndicate. Privacy.
