McDonald's To Open First Lunar Franchise
Sea of Tranquility, March 22, 2015 -- McDonald's, the ubiquitous globe-girdling fast food purveyor, announced today it will be expanding its operations beyond the confines of the earth's atmosphere with the launch of the first lunar franchise. The move marks not only the very first non-terrestrial McDonald's retail dining establishment, but the first non-terrestrial commercial franchise of any kind whatsoever.
The McDonald's McMoon: Full McDonald's McMoon, viewed from rural Pork Knuckle, Idaho
Super Bowl Halftime Show Hits New Low
Tampa, FL February 2, 2009 -- Despite the NFL having announced in 2004 that MTV would never be involved in another Super Bowl Halftime Show, NFL officials allowed MTV "to bear it all" as producer of this year's Super Bowl Halftime Show. And bear it they did! Thereby demonstrating once again that never is not a long time in the the world of sports, entertainment and, least of all, business.
White House Indicted in Plamegate Scandal
Washington, D.C., April 11, 2006 -- In a move veteran Washington and Justice Department analysts call "really rare", the White House itself has been indicted in the mushrooming series of scandals surrounding the Bush Administration.
Microsoft, Micronesia Reach a Deal
Redmond, WA, October 12, 2018 -- "Time to go buy a new globe" was the opening statement by Bill Gates at today’s news conference at Microsoft headquarters in Redmond, Washington. The aging Microsoft founder startled the world this morning in announcing the purchase of Micronesia. "I am pleased to introduce to the world the new country of the Federated States of Microsoftnesia," Gates proclaimed.
President Bush 'Ownz' on Runescape
Washington, January 14, 2007 -- Prior to the November 7 midterm elections, many political analysts wondered how President Bush would handle the last two years of his presidency if the Democrats seized control of the Congress. Nearly all agreed it would be a lonely time for a President accustomed to being surrounded by friends in Congress. None of the analyst's observations included the possibility that President Bush would retreat from the world stage to the world of online gaming.
Creationist Paleontologists Discover Dinosaur Saddle
Mud Flaps, Arizona, March 29, 2006 -- A team of creationist paleontologists from the Discovery Institute's main field research arm announced today that they had discovered the remains of a large manmade object confirmed to be an ancient dinosaur saddle.
Dinosaur saddle discovered by Discovery Institute paleontological expedition near Mud Flaps, Arizona
President Sets Precedent With Preemptive Pardons
Washington, DC, October 31, 2008 -- Outgoing President George W. Bush followed yesterday in the footsteps of his predecessors by applying his traditional presidential power to absolve a number of friends and supporters of their criminal convictions. Included in the last-minute mercy package, however, was a novel twist: preemptive pardons.
NFL Owners Change Name, Game
New York, July 19, 2017 -- Team owners of National Football League (NFL) formally approved the new team restrictions, salary caps, rules and official name change for the Professional American & International National Football League (PAINFL).
PAINFL commissioner Adam Sandler explained, “There were a number of factors contributing to the need for this massive overhaul of the NFL. Skyrocketing salaries, teams changing cities, decreased attendance, retired numbers and fewer athletes available, the list goes on, but all of these things all played a part in the need for this drastic change.”
Donald Rumsfeld Redefines "Insurgent", Issues "Donald Rumsfeld Guide"
Washington, D.C, January 2, 2006 -- Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, apparently dissatisfied with the current American vernacular's inadequacy in consistently reflecting his own ideological positions, has issued a new pamphlet entitled Donald's Dictionary: The Donald Rumsfeld Guide To Positive Speaking. The Secretary of Defense said he hopes this word usage guide will help "keep the conversation on the right track, any deviation from which will only aide and abet the enemy".
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