Washington, D.C., December 22, 2005 -- Independent investigative journalists at Avant News have determined that the Pentagon's Iraq Propaganda Program, which was heralded for the first time in a Los Angeles Times report in late November, has been a truly stunning success of the same caliber as the many other remarkable achievements enjoyed by the Bush administration and its exemplary war planners.

The Iraqi and American people continue to express their most fervent support for the propaganda program and its peerless progenitor, the Iraq war of liberation.

Carbon Hill, Alabama, October 3, 2010 -- His name is Artemus K. Yooley, but most folks around here know him as DiCaprio, or sometimes just plain Leonardo. Most folks around here were probably thinking of DaVinci when they called him that, but no matter.

Artemus K. Yooley

Amsterdam, June 19, 2010 -- Greenpeace, the activist group known for its risky, but non-combative, worldwide efforts to protect the environment, declared today it has officially renounced non-violent tactics.

The Terminal Avenger, now with torpedoes

The act is seen as a reaction to an increasingly hostile activist environment that has frequently pitted Greenpeace in one-sided violent confrontation against both anti-environmentalist corporate interests and the often corrupt governments that support them.

Los Angeles, CA, June 24, 2006 -- What do Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Angelina Jolie, Janet Jackson, Danica Patrick, Carrie Underwood, Anna Kournikova, Indy 500 star Michael Andretti, Bo Bice, Miss Universe and Kelly Ripa have in common? They've all signed on with designer Juliano Monteverde to launch a new line of Celebrity Signature Organs. For the first time ever, lucky dialysis patients will have the chance to sport a kidney signed by Kournikova, or a transplanted retina endorsed by Underwood. But the cost of celebrity organ fashion is steep, and the process not for the faint of heart.