Buford Falls, Ohio February 18, 2009 -- Clarence Rattleford has wielded knives on a daily basis for as long as he can remember and to his recollection neither he nor those around him have been in any danger because of it. Now the 73 year old retired soybean farmer and aspiring whittler is urging others to fight for their right to hold on to their knives.

Pensacola, FL, April 22, 2007 -- Following a series of potentially flawed elections in which the integrity of voting machines was called into question, the Elections Board of Florida has made the decision to scrap the traditional voting process altogether and put in its place a new system, based on the Applause-o-Meter, with which they feel the voting public may be more comfortable.

Kermit Porter, spokesman for the Florida State Elections Commission, elaborates:

Washington, DC January 17, 2011 -- Whirlpool (WHR: NYSE) stocks surged fifteen percent today on the release of their latest “must have consumer appliance,” the Macrowave Non-Oven™. The Whirlpool Corporation, marketers of Whirlpool, KitchenAid, Brastemp, Bauknecht, Consul and other major brand names, has seen its marketshare decline in recent years and has put all it can into this appliance that can be used to quickly chill foods and beverages.

“The Macrowave will do to refrigeration what the microwave did to cooking” said Whirlpool CEO Edmund Silver in a press conference today.

Guatemala City, Guatemala, December 2, 2005 -- Fans and viewers of the popular CBS reality television show Survivor Guatemala: The Maya Empire were dealt a disappointing blow with the admission by the US Defense Department that it had inadvertently vaporized the entire remaining cast in a nuclear weapons testing blunder yesterday.

A spokesman for CBS said the incident was "regrettable", but added that the network plans to continue the series with a resurrected cast of surviving former Survivors under the name Survivor Guatemala: The Day After.