Bush Declares "Mission Accomplished" in 2006 House, Senate Midterm Elections

San Diego, November 9, 2006 -- Following the resounding defeat of Republican candidates in the 2006 midterm elections, President Bush hailed his party's victory during an epic speech this morning.

President Bush congratulates GOP candidates on victory following their defeat in the 2006 electionsPresident Bush congratulates GOP candidates on victory following their defeat in the 2006 elections

Eternal Cruises Offers Unique Burial Alternative

Tampa, FL, June 30, 2008 -- The small and solemn multitude is clad in traditional blacks and grays, the voices muted, the music played at low volume and in a minor key. But two key factors set this familiar scene apart: enlivening each mourner's respectfully dreary attire is a brightly colored ring of tropical flowers; and the service is taking place on a wharf overlooked by the imposing bulk of one of the world's largest container ships, the 314-meter goliath Thanatos.

Pentagon Beefs Up Iraq Troop Humvee Security With Baby on Board Stickers

Washington, D.C., November 19, 2006 -- Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman announced today the US Defense Department will begin an immediate security upgrade process for soldiers stationed in Iraq by equipping unarmored and up-armored HMMWV vehicles (Humvees) with heavy-duty "Baby on Board" stickers.

Baby on Board Security Enhancer-equipped HumveeBaby on Board Security Enhancer-equipped Humvee

Fossilized Feces of Jesus Wreaks Havoc

Holy See, August 29, 2020 -- The recent discovery of a fossilized lump of human feces believed to have once emerged from the body of Jesus Christ, Son of God, has swept a whirlpool of excitement and controversy throughout the altars of the religious world.

Cave in which fossilized fecal matter of Jesus was discoveredCave in which fossilized fecal matter of Jesus was discovered

Playboy University Enrolls First Class of Coeds

Beverly Hills, CA September 11, 2009 -- Donna Perkowski is not your typical college freshman. This 21 year old coed already has a résumé stacked with work experience and accomplishments. While her sexy set of credentials are massive, she feels that a university degree from Playboy University will thrust her toward one of the top positions within her field.

Bronze bust of Pamela Anderson's bust in the admissions office welcomes Playboy University coedsBronze bust of Pamela Anderson's bust in the admissions office welcomes Playboy University coeds

Chronic Armpit Rash Source of George W. Bush Swagger

Crawford, Texas, June 22, 2059 -- The signature swagger of the late US President George W. Bush (2001-2009) was the result of a persistent armpit rash, newly discovered archival material shows.

Underarm irritation source of late president George W. Bush's peculiar walking postureUnderarm irritation source of late president George W. Bush's peculiar walking posture

Ousted Karl Rove Takes New Job With Hugo Chavez

Caracas, Venezuela, December 2, 2006 -- Karl Rove, the Machiavellian strategist credited with major GOP election successes in 2000, 2002 and 2004, was fired by the Bush Administration today, three weeks after the November 7, 2006 massacre that ended the Republican majority in virtually every state and local branch of American government.

Flor del Turd Karl RoveFlor del Turd Karl Rove

NASA Launches First-Ever Faith-Based Space Program

Washington, D.C., April 19, 2010 -- NASA, the United States' National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today the launch of the first-ever faith-based space program. The project, working-titled "In God We Thrust", will develop and launch a range of orbital, lunar, and interplanetary space vehicles using entirely faith-based methods of engineering, aeronautics, electronics and astrophysics.

First faith-based NASA moon mission (artist's conception)First faith-based NASA moon mission (artist's conception)

Kobe Bryant Clones Debut in 100% Kobe Bryant- Derived LA Kobe Bryants

Los Angeles, November 3, 2023 -- Cloned progeny of legendary basketball superstar Kobe Bryant will at last be making their NBA debut this Sunday as the newly-launched LA Kobe Bryants meet local rival the LA Chamberlains at Staples Arena in Los Angeles.

LA Kobe Bryants, Team PhotoLA Kobe Bryants, Team Photo

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