Mellowvale, NV, June 6, 2066 -- Actor and Director Mel Gibson, who has impressed with world for decades with his longevity and increasingly dogmatic film productions, was revealed in a surprise announcement by the Underworld Ethics Committee to have formed an illegal pact with Satan. The UEC reports the pact may have been in place for nearly a century.

Atlanta, April 22, 2009 -- With bird flu, also known as avian flu, now confirmed to have mutated into a form that can be transmitted human-to-human, international disease control agencies are concerned by a new report that virtually all of this year's star anise crop, a vital component of Tamiflu grown only in four provinces of China, has been wiped out in a series of mudslides brought on by unseasonably strong tropical storms in the region.

Brush Canyon, Nevada, June 22, 2011 -- Reproductive scientists at the Bohnin Fertility Laboratory in Brush Canyon, Nevada, report that that an experiment into improving fertility through the ionic polarization of zygotes has resulted in some unintended side effects. Specifically, children conceived through the controversial polarization process display powerful, and seemingly permanent, magnetic qualities.

Magnetic sperm

Salt Lake City, August 22, 2033 -- According to messages posted simultaneously on all Lost and Found bulletin boards in the world, God, considered by many to be an important force in the creation and ongoing maintenance of the universe, has lost his dice and urgently needs them back.

God's dice