Kansas Education Board Touts Flat Earth Curriculum

May 11, 2006 -- The Kansas Education Board, which gained new momentum in its efforts to "de-emphasize" rational scientific inquiry after a decision last November requiring Kansas teachers to define the widely accepted theory of evolution as "godless Communist propaganda" in favor of creationism, also known as intelligent design, is now promoting a full-fledged faith-based curriculum touted by the board as "the One True Way".

Earth (side view)Earth (side view)

Hemophiliacs to Republicans: Stop Saying "Cut and Run"

Ann Arbor, MI February 12, 2006 -- For the last few months Republicans have been ridiculing the criticism coming from Democrats and the majority of the American people by saying the Democrats want to “cut and run” from Iraq. The Republican labeling has now reached a fever pitch even though the Bush Adminstration has not yet made public a plan for exiting Iraq.

During this period wherein Democrats have been deftly dodging the attacks from the Republicans, another group has risen to confront the aggressive tactics of the Republicans – America’s hemophiliacs.

Lipodiesels Shine at 2010 LA Auto Show

Los Angeles, November 29, 2010 -- The wraps are off at the 2010 LA Auto Show, and this year the neologism on everyone's lips is the hottest hybrid concept of the millennium: the Ford Lipodiesels™. Three new Ford models featuring the innovative energy-saving technology are scheduled for unveiling in the coming days, and the excitement is palpable.

Cheney Offers to Stay on as Veep

Washington, D.C., March 12, 2008 -- In a move that surprised most pundits, Dick Cheney has offered to “stay on” as Vice President following the conclusion of President Bush's final term.

The offer, which the vice president announced during his regular 7:30 am interview on Fox Morning Talking Points, was extended to both Republican nominee John McCain and Democratic nominee Barack Obama.

Dark Matter Mostly Socks, Keys, Ballpoints

Cambridge, August 12, 2024 -- A critical goal that has eluded astrophysicists for decades has at last been made possible: the discovery of the nature and composition of "dark matter" as well as a hint as to the function of "dark energy", two previously unidentifiable and unobservable substances that together comprise nearly 95% of all matter in the universe.

Dark Matter (detail)Dark Matter (detail)

Al-Qaeda Hires Blackwater

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Moyock, North Carolina, July 8, 2008 -- While the United States continues to wage its war on terror in locations where terrorists are not originally present, Al-Qaeda (also known as: al-Qaida or al-Qa'ida or al-Qa'idah or al-¿Que?duh) has been stretched to its limits sending terrorists and trainers to assist locals fighting the Americans.

Wing-Clipped NASA to Launch Wal-Mart Budget Spacecraft

John F. Kennedy Space Center, Florida, October 12, 2006 -- Facing what may be the worst fiscal shortfall in the space agency's history, a spokesman for NASA today announced a plan to resort to the extreme cost-saving measure of acquiring most future spacecraft from budget retailer Wal-Mart. An initial consignment of six "Econo-Capsules" purchased by NASA via the Wal-Mart e-commerce website at a cost of $29.95 each (plus shipping and handling), is slated for delivery this December.

Wal-Mart Econo-CapsuleWal-Mart Econo-Capsule

Bush Declares "Mission Accomplished" in 2006 House, Senate Midterm Elections

San Diego, November 9, 2006 -- Following the resounding defeat of Republican candidates in the 2006 midterm elections, President Bush hailed his party's victory during an epic speech this morning.

President Bush congratulates GOP candidates on victory following their defeat in the 2006 electionsPresident Bush congratulates GOP candidates on victory following their defeat in the 2006 elections

Afterburner Forfeits Kentucky Derby Win

Churchill Downs, May 8, 2009 -- Afterburner, the three-year-old thoroughbred who shattered course records yesterday to win the 135th Kentucky Derby, has been disqualified on a technicality, thereby forfeiting his title and the $1.5 million winner's purse. Race officials cite Afterburner's groundbreaking posterior propulsion technique as the reason for the disqualification. Porter Gickle, Afterburner's owner, says he will appeal the decision.

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