Houston, Texas, June 28, 2009 -- Somali pirates hijacked and have taken control of the International Space Station, NASA sources announced yesterday. The pirates, who approached the vessel using small, inflatable spacerafts, are demanding a ransom "in excess of ten million dollars", according to Dr. Julius Vern, vice-administrator of NASA's International Space Station program, or they will destroy the vessel.

Beverly Hills, CA September 11, 2009 -- Donna Perkowski is not your typical college freshman. This 21 year old coed already has a résumé stacked with work experience and accomplishments. While her sexy set of credentials are massive, she feels that a university degree from Playboy University will thrust her toward one of the top positions within her field.

Bronze bust of Pamela Anderson's bust in the admissions office welcomes Playboy University coeds

Mexico City, August 27, 2039 -- "Good fences make good neighbors," intoned Mexican President Jorge Monclova as he dug the first ceremonial spadeful of sand to mark the commencement of the construction of Mexico's new, massive border tightening effort, dubbed the Peace Wall. The immense barrier, a sixty-foot high structure that will stretch the entire 1,920 mile length of Mexico's border with the United States, is designed to curb a rising groundswell of illegal immigration from the country's less affluent northern neighbor.

Washington, D.C., August 29, 2006 -- The National Security Agency (NSA) extensively wiretapped and conducted other surveillance activities targeting Jesus of Nazareth over a period of at least four years, a report issued by the Special Senate Investigative Panel into Unlawful Domestic Surveillance Activities disclosed today.

Jesus (artist's impression)