In Surprise About-Face, Bill Clinton Backs Obama
Chicago, February 5, 2008 -- Astounding political pundits from Anchorage to Miami, former president Bill Clinton has rescinded his endorsement of spouse Hillary Clinton in favor of rock star Senator Barack Obama.
The endorsement, which some believe may create friction in the suburban Chappaqua home of Bill and Hillary Clinton, was explained by the former president as "a case of conscience over comfort."
Hillary Vows to Press On in Face of North Carolina, Indiana Primary Setbacks
Raleigh, North Carolina, May 7, 2008 -- Hillary Clinton told a crowd of several enthusiastic supporters tonight, "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" after early results indicated she had lost the North Carolina primary election to Barack Obama in a landslide, and marginally squeaked by in the Indiana primary.
Bill and Hillary Clinton: (Photo: Daniella Zalcman)
Serge May Not Be the Final Answer for Iraq, Bush Admits
Washington, D.C., April 11, 2007 -- Three months following his high-profile announcement of new serge for American soldiers in the ongoing war in Iraq, President Bush has now implicitly admitted the inadequacy of the policy by calling for additional fabric shipments to the troubled region.
Portion of the January, 2007 Iraqi Serge
Ford, GM to Acquire Each Other
Detroit, August 19, 2009 -- Automotive giants Ford Motor Company (F) and General Motors (GM) galvanized American stock markets early this afternoon with nearly simultaneous hostile bids to acquire each other.
Ford was out first, issuing a bid to buy all outstanding shares of GM for $40 a share, a 30% premium on Friday's closing price. Mere seconds later, GM announced a bid to acquire Ford for $9 a share, a 35% premium. Shares in both industrial giants skyrocketed during the subsequent buying frenzy.
NFL Owners Change Name, Game
New York, July 19, 2017 -- Team owners of National Football League (NFL) formally approved the new team restrictions, salary caps, rules and official name change for the Professional American & International National Football League (PAINFL).
PAINFL commissioner Adam Sandler explained, “There were a number of factors contributing to the need for this massive overhaul of the NFL. Skyrocketing salaries, teams changing cities, decreased attendance, retired numbers and fewer athletes available, the list goes on, but all of these things all played a part in the need for this drastic change.”
Teen 'Cap Busting' on the Rise
Mobile, AL, March 5, 2018 -- Ashlee Drummond’s footsteps echo along the corridor as she nervously awaits word from the doctor on the condition of her son, Roger. Ashlee joins tens of thousands of parents across the U.S. who have faced or are facing the result of the latest teen craze sweeping the nation -- cap busting. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, cap busting involves voluntarily shooting off one's kneecap with a shotgun.
Top GOP Losers Reconsider Suicide PAC
Washington, D.C., January 9, 2007 -- Leading Republican senators who had formed a Suicide PAC prior to the 2006 midterm elections are now reconsidering their positions, beltway sources report. The unusual political action committee was designed to ensure members' reelections by codifying a formal "loss provision", under which PAC members vowed to commit suicide in the event of failure at the ballot box.
Outgoing Senator Rick Santorum, co-founder of DOH!
Nostalgic Bush Says FY09 Budget "Last Chance to Shaft the Poor"
Washington, D.C., February 12, 2008 -- An unusually somber and introspective President George W. Bush, presenting the details of his $3.1 trillion fiscal year 2009 budget proposal for members of the American Plutocrats Union, a conservative group, lamented that the budget proposal represents his “last chance to shaft the poor.” He urged the assembled audience to do “everything in their powers” to convince their elected representatives that the budget proposal represented an historic opportunity that may not return for a decade or more.
Tastes Like Chicken? Not Possible, Scientists Find
Macon, Georgia, October 11, 2014 -- Scientists at the respected St. Ambrose Poultry Institute of Macon, Georgia have at last dispelled the widely held misperception that virtually every moderately unusual food tastes like chicken by proving that, in point of fact, nothing does.
"We've proven that, contrary to popular belief, it's actually a scientific impossibility for any known commonly consumed dietary substance to resemble the flavor of chicken," said Skinwood Neckle, Research Director at the Institute's Comparative Flavor Analysis section.
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