Rush Limbaugh Volunteers for Iraq Tour of Duty

New York, March 12, 2007 -- Rush Limbaugh, the well-known syndicated right-wing radio "dissonance-jockey" and top cheerleader for the ongoing Iraq war, has volunteered to serve an initial 12-month tour of active combat duty in Iraq.

Private Limbaugh's Armored Combat WinnebagoPrivate Limbaugh's Armored Combat Winnebago

FCC Seeks to Bleep Meta-Profanity

Washington, D.C., November 12, 2008 -- The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) appears set to respond to pressure from an insistent and shrill phalanx of self-described consumer watchdog groups that have demanded that the well-known TV and radio "bleep" be censored under public airwave obscenity laws. According to the groups, the "bleep", by serving as a placeholder for profanity, itself constitutes profanity, or, as the groups describe it, "meta-profanity".

NSA Domestic Spy Team Wins US Stock Traders Challenge For 4th Consecutive Year

Washington, D.C., April 9, 2008 -- Employees of the NSA (National Security Agency) won the coveted Federal Stock Traders Challenge for the 2008 season yesterday, marking the fourth straight win for the secretive communications surveillance agency.

NSA headquarters, Fort Meade, Maryland: Approximate location of NSA Headquarters, Fort George G. Meade, MarylandNSA headquarters, Fort Meade, Maryland: Approximate location of NSA Headquarters, Fort George G. Meade, Maryland

Google WTF Search Delivers

Mountain View, CA April 23, 2008 -- Nearly everyone has misplaced their keys, wallet or cell phone. Everyone has had at least one sock come up missing after the laundry has been completed. At least once a week one of the many remote controls is not where it is supposed to be. The people at Google Labs have now come to the rescue of us all with Google's latest application: Where To Find (WTF).

Microsoft, Micronesia Reach a Deal

Redmond, WA, October 12, 2018 -- "Time to go buy a new globe" was the opening statement by Bill Gates at today’s news conference at Microsoft headquarters in Redmond, Washington. The aging Microsoft founder startled the world this morning in announcing the purchase of Micronesia. "I am pleased to introduce to the world the new country of the Federated States of Microsoftnesia," Gates proclaimed.

Teen 'Cap Busting' on the Rise

Mobile, AL, March 5, 2018 -- Ashlee Drummond’s footsteps echo along the corridor as she nervously awaits word from the doctor on the condition of her son, Roger. Ashlee joins tens of thousands of parents across the U.S. who have faced or are facing the result of the latest teen craze sweeping the nation -- cap busting. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, cap busting involves voluntarily shooting off one's kneecap with a shotgun.

Jack Abramoff Renditioned

Washington, D.C., January 7, 2006 -- Legendary lobbyist and indicted political connections broker Jack Abramoff has been "renditioned" by an undisclosed agency of the United States government and is currently being held in an unknown location for "interrogation, I suppose, or whatever else we can think of do with him until some of the heat is off, or the 2006 midterm elections, whichever comes first", according to an agent of the CIA who requested anonymity.

Earth Declares War on Venus, Loses

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Ecofrex, Moltopribate, Jebruarius 36, 2498 -- Salutoriations and benevoloriums. Earth has declared war on neighboring planet Venus, our sister sphere betwixt this, our planet, and that, our sun.

Venus, our sister sphere betwixt this, our planet, and that, our sunVenus, our sister sphere betwixt this, our planet, and that, our sun

President Bush Pardons Lewis "Scooter" Libby

Washington, D.C., December 23, 2005 -- Lewis "Scooter" Libby was pardoned today in a surprise announcement by President George W. Bush. Libby, who had been indicted on five felony counts for perjury, false statements and obstruction of justice, and one misdemeanor charge involving an altercation with two lesbian cheerleaders, said "Yeah. Like I didn't see that one coming."

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