Evidence of a Second, Bigger Bang Discovered
Berkeley, California, February 19, 2009 -- The widely accepted theory regarding the creation of the universe via a single, momentous explosion, the "Big Bang", has been effectively turned on its head. Scientists report new evidence has come to light of a second, more dramatic explosion, that is theorized to have occurred a few nanoseconds after the first one.
Priest Caught Selling Absolution on eBay
Bronx, New York, May 12, 2009 -- A Catholic priest from the Norwood neighbourhood of Bronx, New York, has been charged with selling absolution via an account on eBay, the popular online auction website.
An example of Father Butler's laminated absolution card
Rudy Giuliani, After Florida Primary Defeat, Begs Rivals For Some Punishment
Okefenokee National Wildlife Refuge, Florida, January 31, 2008 -- One-time Republican presidential frontrunner and former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani issued a heartfelt and occasionally tear-filled appeal to leading Republican candidates John McCain and Mitt Romney for “a little bit of freaking attention” following his unimpressive 13% showing in yesterday's Republican primary election in Florida.
GM Reveals the 2011 HUMMER Wee
Los Angeles, November 22, 2009 -- Ailing automaker GM revealed a radical new direction for its troubled HUMMER brand with the launch today of the HUMMER Wee at the 2009 Los Angeles Auto Show.
2011 HUMMER Wee
The HUMMER Wee, according to GM spokesman Putney Shiphlick, "provides a winning combination of old-time machismo and trendy modern environmental do-gooderism".
Irate Driver Inadvertently Flips Off Own Grandmother
Regional Urban Locality, June 22, 2016 -- A local man, Henry Dribbler, told reporters today he was distraught to have discovered that the driver to whom he “flipped the bird” yesterday was none other than his own maternal grandmother, Sue Ellen Fecundite.
Study Finds Less to be Less, Not More, Than More
Sioux City, Iowa – March 29, 2019 – A three-year study performed by the respected Group for the Logical Reassessment of Paradoxical Phraseology (GLIBB) in Sioux City, Iowa has revealed that less is in fact less, rather than more, than more.
Van Gogh self-portrait: "lessened" version
The determination is expected to have a wide-reaching impact on the manufacture and distribution of homely aphorisms throughout the American Midwest, a $3 billion a year industry.
Avant News Job Interview Tips: How to Fake the Liver Biopsy
Macon, Georgia, September 22, 2010 -- A recent survey performed by the Online Job-Seekers Bureau found that increasingly stringent rules for potential job applicants now frequently include such measures as requiring that liver biopsies, brain samples, and loyalty oaths be submitted along with a resume.A spokesman for the Online Job-Seekers Bureau said he found the trend "understandable, but troubling".
Checkout Clerk Adds Apples and Oranges, Earth Wobbles
Madison, WI September 14, 2014 -- Last week’s cataclysmic, global seismic event that resulted in countless deaths across the globe and property losses estimated to be in the trillions of dollars appears to have been caused by an unassuming checkout clerk in Madison, Wisconsin.
Confused President Bush Nabs Reggie Bush's Heisman Trophy
New York, December 10, 2005 -- An apparently confused and disoriented President George W. Bush appeared unexpectedly at Manhattan's Nokia Theatre in Times Square today to accept the Downtown Athletic Club's prestigious Heisman Trophy, the highest honor awarded annually in college football.
The president's crashing of the ceremony severely disrupted proceedings and cast some doubt as to whether the award will in fact be awarded to its actual intended recipient, USC running back Reggie Bush, who has long been considered a favorite to clinch the trophy.
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